


Milwaukee Sends Its Love

by goldendays2018



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Split, Pre-Split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14261343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldendays2018/pseuds/goldendays2018
Summary: While performing on the pop up tour in Milwaukee, Brendon begins to think about what Pretty. Odd. meant to him when it first was written and what it still means to him now 10 years later.





	Milwaukee Sends Its Love

_“It’s Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!”_

_“Oh, it’s Saturday night, yeah!”_

“Thank you, Milwaukee! I love you all, goodnight!”

After bowing for the crowd and applauding my band, I took off stage. The fans will assume that it’s just from all the energy tonight, but as I’m drinking my water, and breathing heavily, Zack looks at me knowingly.

“Hey, great show Brendon, you killed it out there.” Zack says with a clap to my back and that all too familiar knowing smile slash grimace of his.

“Thanks man.” It’s all I can mutter before breaking apart completely.

I rush to my dressing room where I know I can be alone for some time before we have to leave the venue. I pull out my phone and check my messages… Zilch. Absolutely nothing.

I immediately berate myself in my head for expecting something. I should know better, after all I was the one who chose not to perform a song from the album tonight. The fans were cheering for me to play something, just one song from it. I caught eyes with Zack in the wings, and he shrugged his shoulders but his eyes said no, so I didn’t.

It’s not that I didn’t want to pay homage to an album that was truthfully the rise and fall of one of the best relationships I’ve ever had. Even I find myself not detecting the saracasm in my own thoughts. The band, Brendon. You mean the band. Right, of course.

I turn the doorknob to leave the room when I hear voices coming not to far from my door.

“Why do you think Brendon didn’t wanna play anything from Pretty Odd tonight? We discussed we’d do a mash up of Nine in the Afternoon and When the Day Met the Night. I don’t get what changed his mind.” I hear my new bassist say. Exactly, she’s new so she doesn’t know.

Zack as always steps up to my defense.

“It’s a long story but yeah I don’t think Brendon felt it was the right thing to do. The fans would analyze it and it wouldn’t be good.”

Thank God, he didn’t mention anything else.

“Yeah no, we definitely don’t need a repeat of what happened in London with Northern Downpour”

Wow thanks, Dallon.

“What happened in London?” Nicole asks my former bandmate.

“Dallon, seriously? God, okay so it’s a long story but”

I choose that moment to open the door and immediately they quiet down.

Dallon gives me a look asking if I heard anything but I just smile and say I’ll be in the bus if they need me.

I can see Zack reprimanding Dallon out of the corner of my eye but I’m gone before I can register what he’s saying.

How could Dallon bring that up? He knows how hard that was for me, how hard it still is. What with the fans throwing it in my face every time I try to livestream or talk to them all they wanna hear about is Ryan.

Okay, it’s not as dramatic as I’m making it in my head. I haven’t talked to him in a while but it isn’t as bad as everyone thinks… No, it’s actually quite a bit worse. Everyone thinks it was creative differences or we were long distant lovers, but the truth is we were never lovers.

We never got the chance. Which is why singing that song is so hard for me. I’m not stupid I know he wrote it for me, the fans didn’t figure it out til months after it came out, but I heard it first when it was just him and I hanging out in the back of the tour bus.

_“So what do you think?_

_“Wow, just wow. Ryan that’s really great.”_

_“Really? Are you sure? Because I could change it, I could make it less cryptic or even”_

_I cut off his rambling by grabbing his shoulders excitedly._

_“Ryan! Stop, man it’s awesome!”_

_He looks taken aback for a couple seconds and then breaks out into a huge grin and throws himself at me and pretty soon I have an armful of Ryan Ross. I laugh into his hair as he’s pressed against me. We continue talking about the upcoming album until Zack comes in seeing us sort of curled around each other but doesn’t comment on it._

_“Guys, can you be ready soon? We got soundcheck in 10?”_

_Ryan and I look at each other and back at Zack, but he’s gone before either of us can respond._

_\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_After the concert that night I’m lying on the couch or rather on Ryan, as my head is in his lap. Everyone else has gone to bed except for the driver who keeps going on the highway long into the night._

_“Hey Bren?” Ryan says and I can feel his eyes on me, but the second I turn to look at him, he looks away._

_I go to respond before he starts again._

_“I know the album is almost done and pretty soon after everyone will be listening to it. I just want you to know that um, well I wrote northern downpour for you.”_

 

I’m immediately brought back to reality as I hear the tour roadies moving the equipment into the bus. Usually they’d apologize for the noise but they see I’m listening to music and choose not to say anything.

_“Hey moon, please forget to fall down. Hey moon, don’t you go down”_ twenty-year old me croons in my ears.

_“You are at the top of my lungs, drawn to the ones who never yawn.”_

I should’ve known ten years ago, maybe then it wouldn’t be too late.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time writing a fanfiction, let me know what you think! I would love to continue this if enough people want me to :) also feel free to send constructive criticism my way so i know what to improve!


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